Ask Michele!

Hello!

Unfortunately, the time has come to end my senior project, and end this blog (FOR NOW!!!!) I really want to thank all of you who participated in this project, I couldn’t have done it without you.

My plans for the future of this blog are a little unclear at the moment. I am not going to delete it, so the site will remain here for a while. I am not planning on doing anything to it during the summer. I am unsure of whether or not I am legally allowed to run an advice column without being supervised. However, when I go to college in the fall, I plan on finding a Psychology professor that can mentor me just like Mrs. McCleese has with me these past couple of months.

This has been such an amazing experience and I would not have chosen to do any other project over this one.

Thanks so much and good luck to you all in the future!

XOXO,

Michele

Hey Michele,
I really hope that this isn't too weird for you to answer, but I find it quite difficult to trust people most of the time, and I find it easier to ask complete strangers because... well, I don't really know why. But anyway, I'm really scared because I keep seeing things. Things which aren't really there. I keep seeing this girl, her name is Elisa and she appears whenever I am scared, which is quite often because I am scared of lots of things. And she helps me to calm down get through it. I'm too afraid to tell my family because I think that they might send me off to some specialist person. And I don't want to tell my friends because I'm afraid they will judge me. My boyfriend seems to be losing interest in me, and I think it's because I've been acting so weird lately. He's started flirting with other girls when I'm not around. My friends warn me about it and it makes me really angry and depressed. I've also got a whole bunch of exams coming up soon and I seem to be failing in every class because I'm not concentrating properly. Everything just seems too much to handle.

Anonymous

It is hard for me to completely understand what you going through right now because I have never experienced it, but I get a sense that you don’t really know what’s going on either. Things have gotten out of control and it’s really effecting you. I know it is hard to trust people, but right now you really need to find someone that knows you and that accepts you that you can talk to. I know you don’t necessarily want to hear this, but a professional can really help you get things together. It sounds like everything is kind of falling apart around you and they can help you get back on track. Explain to your boyfriend that you are having a rough time right now and that he needs to be patient with you. His flirting with other girls does not reinforce any kind of stability in your relationship. Although a stable relationship is what you are aiming for, it may not happen before the end of this year. I would say that you should get back on your feet at school. After all, academics come first. Talk to your teachers and let them know you’re going through a lot right now. I’m sorry things have gotten out of control. Don’t be afraid to open up to someone. Most people are worried about being judged, but most people will be willing to help you rather than judge you. Stay motivated and finish the year off strong.

Good luck!

XOXO

Michele

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hey Michele
so this may sound weird, but I can't really think of another way to phrase it so here goes:
lately, I've been really restless. I'm normally the responsibly one in a group of people; I'm not naive, but I'm not stupid, if you know what I mean. but, for some reason, I just don't want to be that way anymore. I wanna stay out way later than I should, drink, hook up with a bunch of people I wouldn't normally do anything with, and just be a different person. I get that this would probably harm me in the long run, but I just don't care right now. how can I channel this crazy energy into something that won't go wrong but still make me feel like I'm actually living and discovering something?
xoxo

Anonymous

How do you think you will feel after you do those things? Take a look into the future. What will people think of you ? Your parents and your friends? This seems like a cry for attention. You have your head on your shoulders and you are willing to give that up just to be gossiped about? Yes, this will harm you in the long run. You can still have fun without getting drunk and without hooking up with a bunch of people. You think that getting drunk and hooking up with people is living and discovering? Being in a drunken state means that you have no control over your body. Is that living? What do you plan on discovering from this? How does this make you a better person? If you surround yourself with people who are able to “live and discover” without the use of drugs and alcohol, you may feel differently and find yourself having fun doing something else. It’s up to you to make the right decision for yourself. Just know the consequences of what can happen.

Think about what the real problem is. You are going through something that is making you want to act differently than normal. When you find that underlying cause, you can work from there.

Good luck!

XOXO

Michele

is there ever such a thing as missing your boyfriend/girlfriend too much? cause i found i won't get to see my boyfriend this weekend as usual as he's gotta work both days, i still get to see him some evening during the weekdays, but i'm still bothered by not getting to see him on the weekend coz it's what i live for the most really, i only see him once a week :| i don't wanna tell him how bothered i am cuz he will really feel bad and i know it's not his fault but i'm still a fair bit upset by this... help?

Anonymous

Hey!

If your boyfriend has to work, I think you should understand that he is not trying to not spend time with you. Work is important. I understand that it is hard not seeing him, but this time apart will make the time you spend together more meaningful! If you know he will feel bad by telling him you are bothered by this, I wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t have any control over his work schedule, and if he did he would spend time with you.

I do think that “living” for the weekends to see your boyfriend is a bit unhealthy. It has obviously effected you for this upcoming weekend. A lot of times when people are in relationships, they find it hard to find a balance between devoting their life to the relationship and keeping the life they had before (friends, family, school.) Find some friends to hang out with over the weekend to get your mind off of this. Your boyfriend isn’t the only person you can have fun with!

Good luck!

xoxo,

Michele

me and my boyfriend just broke up. we were best friends eleven months before we started going out. he liked me from the start, and he didnt know i liked him back so he tried to move on to sme ugly girl. i finally told him because he obviosuly couldnt take a hint. he left her for me, and we dated for two months because he has a problem with having feelings for a person for a long time. so it is less than a week that we are broken up, but we're still best friends. anyways, hes going to a party tonight with that girl and a bunch of other girls that are completely in love with him. im stressing out completely. i am so worried he's going to hook up with someone. i don't think he would because he's a really sweet person and he already feels bad about breaking up with me but he's gunna be drunk and so are the others girls. this is stupid to be worrying about right? ughh. i don't know anymore.

Anonymous

It’s not stupid to worry, but if you two are just friends, he can potentially do whatever he wants to do. I’m assuming that the party already happened because this response is a bit delayed. What ended up happening? What can you learn about him from that? It sounds like he doesn’t know what he wants at the moment so he is trying new things.

Good luck!

Xoxo,

Michele

Hey Michele,
So theres this guy I really like. he liked me too at first but then we got into big fights and drifted. he started talking to my friends. and now hes getting serious with one of my "closefriends" I COMPLETELY DO NOT TRUST HER ANYMORE. Not because of that. but i have my reasons. The situation is everyone says he has feelings for me. but he now has feelings for my closefriend.Everyone finds us as the cute couple and stuff. I dont know what to do I REALLY WANNA TELL HIM HOW I FEEL. but at the moment were not talking. and that close friend of mine is TALKING to him. so i dont wanna be fucked up. So shpuld i keep it to myself or tell him how i feel? at the moment were avoiding eachother......

Anonymous

He sounds like a player to me! I wouldn’t not trust your close friend. How did he get you to like him? And did he do the same thing to your friend? And why did you start fighting? Were you two ever official? I don’t think it was your friends intention to betray you.

If I were you I would avoid all of this drama. First of all, what kind of guy leads a girl on and then goes for her best friend? You can learn a lot about HIM in this situation as well as your friend. Instead of being so angry at her, look at the things he has done as well.

If you are avoiding each other, what makes you think that in the future you will not get in another fight and avoid each other then? If you haven’t even been in a relationship yet with him, think about what it WILL be like when you two are in a relationship. Sounds like a pretty messy situation.

Good luck.

Xoxo,

Michele

Hey Michele! I love your senior project!
I'm a junior in high school, and I'm already starting to have senioritis. I have seniors in a lot of my classes, and I can't help but feel jealous that they're basically done with high school and get to go to college next year, but I still have a whole year left. As much as I'm looking forward to being a senior, I also just want to move on. I've started to lose motivation in my classes, which is really bad considering APs are soon and I'll still have a month left of school after that. How do I keep myself motivated? And how do you recommend coping with senioritis when I finally am a second semester senior? Thanks!

Anonymous

Hey! Thanks, I’m glad you like it.

Oh senioritis… what a terrible disease.

I don’t even know how to respond to this. All I can say is that you need to keep pushing yourself. Next year when you are looking back at your high school career, you may wish that you had tried harder. You are in your final stretch. You don’t have that much time left. Your senior year will not be easy and is not the time to slack off. It is a time for you to show your teachers all the knowledge you have accumulated the past four years and incorporating that into your schoolwork. I know that you just want to move on, but don’t give up when you’re so close to finishing. APs count for college credit, so if you don’t do well on them now, you can take a class in college. Colleges don’t see your AP scores unless you want them to or use them for credit.

How do you keep yourself motivated? How do you usually keep yourself motivated? I think that by giving up, you will become disappointed in yourself because you know what you are capable of and by not meeting those standards you will feel less fulfilled and accomplished.

Being a second semester senior still requires a lot of work and effort. Depending on where you go to school, you may have the same work load as you did first semester. You may even have more. I think knowing that a school can revoke your admission offer motivated me to continue working hard this semester. I’ve spent the past 9 years at the same school, and I figured, why not end it in a strong manner? Why, after nine years (or four if you are there for high school), would you throw everything that you have learned away? You need to find a way to motivate yourself. I can’t tell you specifically what you need to do because it is different for different people. I find it helpful to ask myself what I am going to get out of browsing facebook for hours versus doing my homework.

GOOD LUCK!

XOXO

Michele

Hey Michele,
I have this friend and I hadn't seen him in like a year but we started talking again on Facebook and on the phone. It was really fun and I after a while I noticed that we were flirting a lot. And I'm not talking about stuff that I read in a text and assuming he's flirting because I want him to be, like he made it very clear that he wanted to hang out and do bad things together. I was really down for that and we got together earlier this week. It was really fun but the thing is when we were hanging out, he was acting like we were just friends, like he hadn't been flirting with me for the past few weeks and he invited his friend to come hang with us part of the way through the night. I was confused so I just followed along but now I'm thinking I should have said something. We were talking almost every day before and now we haven't talked at all since we hung out a few days ago. I don't know if he decided that he doesn't like me as much as he thought he did, if he's shy, if he's just a flirty dude or what his deal is. All I know is that I am confused! I know the logical thing to do is to just ask but I feel like that might scare him off more? I don't know. Help!!

Anonymous

I think you have the right to ask him what happened. He led you on for a couple of weeks and you hung out with him expecting something to happen. However, maybe, since you two just reconnected, he want’s to get to know you first before you do anything. I do not think that is the case though as he was very forward in his texting. It is also very easy to become a completely different person through writing. You two haven’t talked in a while, so he could have recreated his identity through text messaging. Aren’t you just friends? Doing “bad things” together doesn’t necessarily make you two a couple, right? It’s hard to jump into a relationship after not speaking to someone for a year. Maybe he is just starting to realize that.

Good luck!

Xoxo,

Michele

hey michelee!
soo...my friends and I have this trio. WE do EVERYTHING together. which iss soo fun and i talk to them about anything and everyhting, but the thing is that sometimes i get tried of spending time with the same people. dont get me wrong...i absolutely lovee them but at times i want to branch out and spend time with other people. And... so as i've been trying to slowly branch out i feel like imm loosing them and i dont wnat that to happen. Im having difficutly finding that balance. And to add to all this my trio doesnt seem to be liking the new people that imm associating myself. I dont know what to do..i dont want to loose my best friends but I also want to branch out and meet new people.

Anonymous

This is difficult. Do you think it is more important to have a couple really close friends, or a bunch of somewhat close friends? I think that it is important to branch out and to be social with other people. I think it is somewhat unhealthy to only hang out with the same people. There will be difficulty in finding the balance between your trio and branching out. Why don’t they like the people you associate yourself with? How well do your friends know you, and is this “association” a good one or a bad one?

I would encourage your friends to branch out as well. Just because you are friends with new people doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with your old friends. Let them know that. And let them know your motives for branching out as well. Your friends should want you to be happy and should want you to surround yourself with good people.

Good luck!

Xoxo,

Michele

Hey michele. I have this tiny crush on a girl, and sometimes i think she likes me back. but i can never be sure. How do you think would be the best idea to find out without telling her?

Anonymous

Hey! I know it may be hard, but talk to her. What makes you think that she likes you back? Does she act differently around you than she does with other people? I would say start a friendly relationship. After that, you can move further. If you find that you two have feelings for one another, pursue a relationship. You can always just ask her, but that may end awkwardly.

Good luck!

XOXO,

Michele

hey what you're doing is a great idea and youre responses are really helpful!

so, theres this boy i've known for a while outside of school, but i never talked to him. i wish i did. he is in my english class this year and so far, i still haven't talked to him. i really like him and want to get to know him but now it's really awkward since havent talked to each other the whole school year. wouldn't it just be really weird if i suddenly started talking to him? i really want to but im not sure...what do i say to him?

Anonymous

Hey! Hmm.. if you are in the same english class and the year is about to end, why not set up a finals study session? That would at least give you a reason to talk to him and ask to hang out with him. If you know you two have something in common, you can also bring that up. You could ask him for help with something (which goes back to studying together.) Really, anything would work!

Good luck!

XOXO

Michele

Being thankful for what we have

I just recieved this email from The University of Puget Sound’s head soccer coach.

“Whenever soccer seems like a stress to me or others, I have always tried to make the point that the field can be a sanctuary and not viewed as another one of those stresses in the day.

Sometimes we can lose perspective, thinking our daily problems are large and can lose sight of how special our teams and the opportunities we have to be a part of them are.
I once heard it said that we haven’t truly lived today unless we have both laughed and cried.

After watching this video, I now have the second one covered :) Please take a moment today to appreciate what you have and the privilege it is to be part of a team with excellence to pursue.” - Randy Hanson

Please watch this video. It is worth the time and it really made me realize all I have to be thankful for. Like Randy said, there are times in which soccer is just another stressful activity in my life. For these girls (in the video), soccer is what keeps them alive.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=5140800&categoryid=3060647

Just think about it… What do you have to be thankful for?